What No One Talks About: The Mental Load of Motherhood

There’s a moment every mom knows: when someone says “you should’ve asked for help”… and you want to scream. Not because you don’t want help, but because asking for help requires you to remember, assign, follow up, and still do 80% of the work. That’s the invisible weight we carry every day—the mental load of motherhood.

When your brain is a browser with 84 open tabs and one is playing music—but you can't find it.

You have to:

– Remember the thing.

– Assign the thing.

– Follow up on the thing.

– Deal with the thing if it’s forgotten, half-done, or done wrong.

So you do the thing.

Because you’re tired.

And because it’s faster than explaining it.

What is the Mental Load of Motherhood?

When your brain feels like a browser with 84 open tabs and one of them is playing music but you can’t figure out which — that’s the mental load.

It’s not just the doing. It’s the:

– Anticipating

– Tracking

– Scheduling

– Noticing

– Remembering

It’s booking the dentist six months out.

It’s noticing the shoes are too small before the meltdown.

It’s knowing which kid won’t eat the orange waffles and which one only eats the orange waffles.

It’s the background processing that never shuts off — even in the shower.

It’s Not About the Chores

People say “just delegate,” but here’s the thing:

Most moms aren’t bad at delegating. We’re just not willing to let things fall apart.

We don’t delegate the class snack because we know we’ll be the one fielding emails if someone forgets.

We don’t delegate the birthday gift because we know it won’t get wrapped.

We don’t delegate the mental reminders — we are the mental reminders.

How I’m Lightening the Load (Without Letting Everything Crash)

I’m not here to pretend I have this perfectly figured out.

But here’s what’s helped me carry less:

Use a Shared Family Calendar

We switched to the Skylight Calendar, and I’m obsessed.

It lives in the kitchen, is color-coded, sends reminders, and even my husband now adds things without me prompting.

The mental calendar is still in my head… but it’s not only in my head anymore.

Name the Work

Talk openly with your partner, spouse, or co-parents about the invisible stuff you manage.

Make the mental load visible. Say it out loud. Not to guilt — but to create awareness.

Outsource Without Guilt

Grocery delivery is still groceries.

Delegating the science project is still parenting.

Letting your kid pack their own lunch is not neglect — it’s trust (and maybe a sticky backpack).

Let Some Balls Drop

Intentionally.

Choose what gets your energy and what gets the “good enough” version of you.

The snacks don’t have to be themed. The towels don’t have to be folded.

You don’t have to earn your rest by burning out first.

You’re Not Failing — You’re Just Carrying More Than Anyone Sees

Motherhood isn’t a checklist.

It’s a constant, evolving load of love, logistics, and emotional labor that’s too often invisible.

You’re not weak for feeling overwhelmed.

You’re not dramatic for saying “this is too much.”

You’re not failing.

You’re just doing more than anyone realizes — and probably with a smile on your face.

So here’s your permission to say it out loud.

To set it down, even just for a minute.

To ask for more than help — to ask for awareness.

And if you need something small that might help? Try this. It’s free, it’s printable, and it helped me breathe again.