The Mental Load of Motherhood Is Real — Let’s Talk About It

If you’re a mom and you’ve ever laid awake mentally ordering lunchboxes, scheduling dentist appointments, and remembering your kid’s spirit day theme—welcome. You, my friend, are intimately acquainted with the mental load of motherhood.

This isn’t just busyness. It’s the invisible, constant project management of family life. And it’s exhausting.

When you’ve handled school drop-off, signed the field trip form, remembered to thaw the chicken, and still somehow forgot your own name. The mental load is real, y’all.

What Is the Mental Load?

The mental load is all the behind-the-scenes thinking that keeps your household and family life functioning. Think:

• Knowing what size shoes your kids wear

• Keeping track of the pantry inventory

• Scheduling, rescheduling, and then confirming doctor appointments

• Remembering it’s the last day for early soccer registration

It's not the doing—it’s the remembering, anticipating, and planning. It’s why you’re always tired, even if you “didn’t do much today.”

You’re Not Just Forgetting—You’re Carrying Too Much

It’s not that you forgot the permission slip. It’s that you’re managing:

• Your work deadlines

• School picture day

• The never-ending group texts

• Meal planning

• And trying to also be a functioning adult

When everything defaults to mom, our brains become human whiteboards—cluttered, chaotic, and wiped clean at the worst possible times.

Why It’s Invisible

The mental load is hard to see because it doesn’t look like anything. You could be staring out the window while managing six mental tabs:

1. We’re low on peanut butter

2. Don’t forget that Target return

3. Kid A has picture day Thursday

4. Kid B’s field trip is Friday

5. You need to book the dog’s vaccines

6. Why is the fridge making that sound?

No one applauds your ability to remember that blue is the only acceptable lunchbox color right now. But you still remember.

Sharing the Load Without a Fight

Here’s the tricky part: even in the most loving partnerships, the mental load often defaults to moms. You’re not alone if you’ve thought:

• “It’s easier if I just do it.”

• “He doesn’t think about these things.”

• “I don’t want to be the nag.”

But sharing the load means inviting others into the thinking, not just the doing. Try:

• Having a weekly “state of the chaos” check-in

• Creating a shared calendar (and actually using it)

• Letting go of perfection—“done” is good enough

How to Lighten the Mental Load (Even a Little)

No, we can’t offload it all. But we can build strategies that protect our energy:

• Write it down. Brain dumps, whiteboards, and shared lists save your sanity.

• Automate what you can. Grocery deliveries, subscribe & save, meal rotations.

• Outsource guilt-free. Hire help, delegate tasks, say yes to offers.

• Talk about it. Awareness leads to change—even if it’s slow.

This Isn’t Just in Your Head

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by things that don’t show up on to-do lists, this is your validation. The mental load is real, and it’s not a personal failing.

Naming it helps. Talking about it helps. And one by one, step by step, we can find ways to carry less—or carry it together.

You’re not alone in the juggle. Want more ways to tame the chaos? Check out how I actually meal plan without crying for real-life, low-effort dinner wins.